Vacation Red Flags

What a great idea. Borrow a motor home and take the guys on their dream trip to Alienfest in Roswell New Mexico. We would be able to save money by bringing our food in the ample refrigerator and sleep in the comfort of our own home on wheels. Sounds delightful right? I'm not sure how many red flags and 10 foot poles that were thrown in our way of making the decision to take this trip, but I suspect the amount was ample.

The first red flag went up when we arrived to pick up the motor home. The rig had been sitting for several years. Inside was covered in cobwebs, animal droppings, and raccoon prints on just about every surface. I walked in and out in about two seconds, looked at Westley and gave him the 'What the hell are you thinking' look. Remember this is flag numero uno. The guys were jazzed, how cool a house on wheels! Their ability to look beyond the fact that this had been the home of some critters for awhile was entertaining. All the guys promised that they would do all the cleaning, I would not have to touch a thing. See here, I think this is my first ten foot pole. 10 Foot pole as in 'I am NOT touching that thing with a 10 foot pole!' The motor home was loud, gross, and gave me a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that I now realize is red flag/ten foot pole number 3.

We drove the behemoth home, I sat in the passenger seat with two clean towels covering the seat and my hands in my lap for the entire trip. A 'Silkwood' shower was required immediately. The next day the guys were true to their word and they cleaned their little hearts out. I was really impressed with their hard work and enthusiasm that I almost felt like this trip was going to be fun after all, almost. Westley noticed that the air conditioner was not blowing. Hummm...Red flag number 4 perhaps? We took the home on wheels to a dealer and 3 days and $100 later they told us there was nothing they could do, the A/C unit needed to be replaced at the tune of about $3,000.

See, this is when most people would throw in the towel and break the news to the guys that we simply could not drive to New Mexico in a non-air conditioned motor home. But not Westley. He was determined to get his guys to Alienfest. Heck we didn't need air conditoning! When we were kids we traveled without it just fine. Our kids can handle it! Ummm..yes I do recall driving to Oklahoma as a kid in my parents van with vinyl seats sweating and sticking to the bean bags we brought for comfort. It a sticky stinky boring trip that if I could I would not repeat. I offered a reasonable solution to the desire to still travel in the motor home, we could go camp in the northern coast where air conditioning would not be necessary. No dice. The trip was still on. Red flag 5.

I organized all of the meals and packed the cupboards and fridge full of drinks, snacks, and 3 square meals. The plan was to only eat out 2 or 3 times on the trip. See we are saving money by driving a motor home! The guys packed all of their necessary Lego's, DVD's, art supplies, and alienfest costume making materials. This is going to be so much FUN! We loaded up the dogs, kids, bikes, and what looked like half of my house to take on our un-air conditioned adventure. We were on our way! One quick pit stop to Trader Joe's so I could buy several bottles of wine, something tells me I just may need a few. Everyone is excited and ready to go. Windows rolled down, big cups of ice water and we are on the road. It really wasn't that bad. The guys were quiet with Lego's. We didn't have to make any potty breaks, and if I felt like napping then I retreated to the back room. Maybe I was wrong all along. Imagine my surprise when red flag number 6 slapped me in the face. Westley was getting tired and wanted to sleep, it was about 12 am after all. The beauty of the motor home is you can sleep anywhere, even in a WALMART parking lot. Yes, I have camped in a Walmart parking lot. See dreams do come true! Thankfully this Walmart was someplace in Nevada and I never have to see it again. On the road again we cruise along what is refereed to as the loneliest highway, US Route 50. We stopped in Eureka Nevada to walk around, fuel up, and check out the historic town. As we were cruising along Westley noticed that something was not right with the motor home, and in some small town in Utah we stopped at a Ford dealer to see what was going on. A hose needed to be replaced. 2 hours and $300 later we are back on the road. Are we throwing in the towel with red flag number 6? Heck NO! We cruise into our first camp ground and much to our delight when I open the refrigerator we discover that it has quit working. The food probably would have been okay had the AIR CONDITIONER worked, but here we are red flag 7. Are we turning around yet? No, because really how much worse can it get?

To be continued