The sporting life

When we first became parents I had this idea of what our family was going to be like. I figured we would spend hours watching our guys play sports, they would love school, and every meal I presented to my family would be a picture perfect example of a healthy dinner that everyone loved.

Oh how funny that all looks to me now. Team sports? Well, I have tried with little success to encourage the guys to participate in what was one of my favorite childhood memories. I share stories of softball teams and friendships that I still have to this day, are they interested? Nope. I coached a peewee basketball team to show Rex how much fun being on a team could be. He hated it, and began to hate me even more. I will never forget the game that finally made me listen. Rex went out on the court and in a matter of seconds of the ball going into play, Rex promptly took his place in center court. On the floor, lying down. My basketball coaching career was shot.

Oh there was hockey. Now hockey is one of my favorite sports to watch, so I was beyond excited when the guys wanted to play. $500.00 on equipment seems like a good investment for 7 and 4 year olds right? Rex loved to be goalie because he got to wear MORE equipment, trouble was he also thought that scoring in his own goal was just as fun. The guys had more fun just skating around the neighborhood and jousting with the hockey sticks. More money well spent!

Of course we had to try soccer! Every kid in town plays and Redding has built an incredible soccer sports complex. Rex opted out, not wanting to play because his sport was hockey, despite the fact that he was no longer on a team. Fox was expected to practice 3 nights a week, and have a game on Saturday. Really? For kids? The coaches took this team WAY to serious for 7 year olds. One mom told me that her son was being watched for a traveling team. Hunh. Am I missing something? I thought this was supposed to be fun. When I played sports we goofed off, practiced, played games, and if we were really great athletes then we would be on the All-Star team. Traveling teams were for older kids who lived and breathed the sport not 7 year olds. Soccer was not fun for Fox. He just wanted to have fun. So we moved on.

To Ju-jitsu. Yes! The kids researched this and came up with it themselves. Rex thought he would like wrestling, and this has a wrestling component in it. Fox was mesmerized by a kid we watched that jumped like a kangaroo. SO we signed up and spent $300.00 on new gis, shirts, and all that being a new student of ju-jitsu requires. The first few times on the mat I could tell this was going to be a disaster. Rex is a big kid and did not move as swiftly as the other students. The warm up activites were frustrating to him. About 3 weeks into the sport I was getting sick to my stomach watching the kids. Parents seemed to have their youngsters there to groom them for future MMA fights. I sat next to a mother who while watching her 6 year old spar with another 6 year old, scream "CHOKE HIM!" over and over. When the boys wanted to opt out of ju-jitsu I did not hesitate or give them the 'being on a team teaches you so much lecture'.

Lastly we invested in swimming. I became a lap swimmer late in life after a major back surgery. I love swimming and truly think I missed my true sport, I love it that much. The guys love to swim, but Fox is the true fish. When he was about 2 he would hop in the lap pool with me and kick on a kick board until I was finished. Fox could swim 1000 yards before he was 3. So when he said he would like to get on a swim team I jumped in. Within a week the coaches were wanting to see more of him. We went from 3 days a week to 5 days a week. Swimming lap after lap. Fox looked great, seemed to enjoy himself, and I thought we had finally found his sport. Soon Fox started to complain. He didn't get to make friends on the swim team because they were always in the water, there was never any fun or goof off time, just laps. I saw his point, but complemented him on what an awesome job he was doing and when summer came the team would have swim meets, then he would get to know more teammates. As summer approached so did the pressure. Too much for a 9 year old if you ask me. He was expected to practice early in the morning and again in the afternoon. In the summer! Fox asked if he could stop. I have to admit, I really fought hard for him to keep going, he is such a talented swimmer it would be silly for him to stop! Finally I had a moment of clarity. Swimming was no longer fun for Fox. He would grow to hate it, Andre Agassi hates tennis, but its all he knew. I don't want that for my kid. So. Swimming is out. If he wants to be on a swim team later he will, and I suspect he will still be great.

I stopped asking the kids if they wanted to play a sport. Stopped sharing how being on a team is important, I just stopped. Its been about 2 years since we have done a sport.

Last week Rex came to me and asked if he could play football next year in High School. Fox told be he can't wait to try out for basketball. I didn't say a word.

Did you see...

"Have you seen (insert recent movie or telivision show with an Aspergers character) ? It was SO funny! " I am certain that these conversation starters are meant to show that after watching the movie or television show, people now have an enhanced understanding of what Aspergers is. At the suggestion of several people I watched Mary and Max. Mary and Max is most certainly a sweet movie, and the story of a life long friendship is endearing. But. While watching the movie I had to think would Mary and Max be life long friends if they lived in the same town? I doubt it. Max's quirks would soon grate on Mary and she would quit answering his calls, and ignore his requests for joining him in an activity. Max would miss Mary, but finally get a clue and realize that she is no longer a friend. I bet that after all the heart ache Max experiences at the loss of his friendship with Mary, that if she called him he would talk to her as if nothing happened. He is that kind of friend.

As I watch my son learn to adapt to a world that he struggles to fit into, my heart aches for him because life long friends have ditched him for bigger, brighter, and perhaps less annoying or embarrassing friends. I teach my guys about compassion, and about being a true friend, so when this started to happen to Rex, he became extremely confused. Why would friends I have known all my life suddenly stop being my friends? In his mind this would never happen to anyone. He is that kind of friend.

Having Aspergers does not really mean anything to our family, sure Rex has it, but it is not ALL of him. Having a diagnosis just gave us more of an acceptance of why certain behaviors that were a little odd just needed to be left alone. He is who he is, and man, the kid is amazing.

I see Rex having such a joy for life, his laugh is loud and infectious, he is caring and loves to have deep conversations with adults. Need to know something about airplanes, WWII, or weapons? He is your guy! Sure some of his interests are odd to his peers, heck they were odd to ME, but he is who he is. Just like Max was who he was. Mary liked him, but from a great distance. What Max was missing was a true friend, and that is what touched me so much about this movie, and what a lot of people have missed.

While Rex adapts to going to school, he is making new relationships with fellow students that he is excited about. What I admire about Rex is his determination to be who he is, and find his own way, with people who will love and accept him. Sadly Max never learned that lesson.

Pops

Today is my Pops birthday. Although he has been gone since 1997, it feels like he died of pancreatic cancer just recently. I am reminded of his influence daily, seeing pops in my guys. Rex has the technical smarts and interest in the creepy stuff my dad loved to watch on 'In Search Of'. Fox seems to have my fathers knack for mathematics and engineering, both of which skipped me like a rock crossing a lake. Both guys are going to be tall, just like their 6'7 grandfather they sadly never met.

I talk a lot about my dad to my boys, I suppose that by doing so they can have a relationship with him. The boys have always asked questions about why they don't have a Grandfather like their friends. At first this line of questioning made me uneasy, but with honesty and care in answering their questions the boys have really gotten to know their Grandfather. Rex always wants to know what his Grandfather would like to do with him. I tell him fishing, working on cars, and more fishing. Fox likes to know that I think he will be as tall if not taller than his Grandpa someday. They like knowing that their grandpop built a hot rod, always wanted a 1950's Ford pick up (in forest green), that he was a HAM radio operator, and his daughters drove him nuts by stealing his white undershirts in the 1980's.

I'm not sure when my sisters and I started calling my dad Pops. I think sometime when I was in high school, trying to be cool, maybe even trying to annoy my dad like a good teenage daughter should. But I know he liked it because he engraved it on the trunk he made for me and Westley for our wedding gift.

On days like today, where I miss my dad more, the guys and I stop for ice cream. I always get butter pecan, my dads favorite flavor. My sisters and I hated it when dad went for ice cream because he would bring home butter pecan. Why not something good like rocky road or double chocolate malted crunch? We would still eat it, but not without complaining. Another pops favorite is Lemon Meringue pie. We always had a beautiful lemon pie for my dad on special days set aside for him. I don't recall any of us girls complaining when that pie was served. Now I connect to my dad via a scoop of ice cream, of his favorite flavor or a slice of Lemon Meringue pie.

So Happy Birthday Pops! You have 5 amazing grand kids that get to hear all of the great stories about you. Today we will all enjoy a scoop of butter pecan or a slice of lemon meringue with you and remember how lucky we are that you were our Pops.

Kindly reminder of love

I turned 45 yesterday. 45. A number that when I was 25 I could not imagine reaching. What would I be doing? Did I accomplish ANYTHING? Would I be happy? Would I be successful? I love that my answers are not so simple. To my 25 year old self I would say, well, you are not the next great Archaeologist, but you grew into an amazing pastry chef who switched gears to teach children who have greater challenges in everyday life than you can imagine. Did I accomplish anything? Sure. I have an amazing family, we love each other and gasp! We actually LIKE each other. If there is a greater accomplishment I would like to hear it. I went back to school after 40 and completed a teaching credential and two masters degrees, all while sitting in a classroom full of 20 and 30 somethings. Am I happy? You bet. Sure there are days I would like to pull the covers over my head and wait for the day to pass me by, but where would that get me? I have the gift of health, of life, and I need to share my joy of just being present. How dare we say we are unhappy when we have so much? Lastly, would I be successful. This one is a challenge in a way because everyone measures success in different ways. Can I afford a new car that I desperately need? Nope, but the big behemoth we refer to as Shreek (because it is ugly and green) can get me to place to place without much hassle. Can we take amazing vacations? Strike two! But we can have fun in our own back yard swimming in the pool we got off of Craigslist. Do I have enough money at the end of the month to sock away in my retirement fund? Holy cow that is so funny I won't even address it! But yes, I am successful. My success comes from my thriving family, my amazing friends, and the relationships I have with my parents, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, and all the people I am lucky enough to be part of their lives. So remember to appreciate the years as they tick by, hug the people who bring you joy, and most of all celebrate the fortune of YOU!

It wouldn't be a vacation without kaos 2 with heros!

My mother made the travel arrangements so that we would all come in at the same time and all depart around the same time. A 10:15 am departure time is not terrible, the airport is 2 hours away, the flight only 3 hours, not a long day. Only one problem. Moms ticket was for 10:15 am. Ours were for 10:15 PM. Night time! When we figured this slight issue out I called the airlines to straighten it out. Wouldn't they want their customers to be happy travelers? I thought that if I were nice, pleasant, and explained the story to the ticketing agent over the phone that we would simply change our times and be done with it. I know, what was I thinking? Sure they would change our flight times, but I would have to pay the price difference of the tickets and a $50.00 fee, to a total of $378.00 PER TICKET. So not doing THAT! The agent then told me I could call 24 hours before the flight and get on confirmed stand by. There were 3 earlier flights, so we were sure to get on one of them. 23 hours and 56 minutes before the flight I called. The ticket agent refused to put us on stand by because it was not 24 hours before the flight. I asked a her if I could just keep her on the phone 4 more minutes and she said no. Click. I called right back and was told that we could change our tickets but it would be $270 per ticket plus the $50 handling fee per ticket. I really don't get this 'additional' $50 scam when they are already gouging you just to change the time on a ticket. This ticket agent told me that I had a better chance going to the airport and changing the tickets there for $50 a pop. I was concerned that we could possibly be at the airport for 12 hours, but thought things always work out and we will catch an early flight. You see where this is going? At the airport we were shut down 3 times. The gate keepers informed me that ALL flights to California were over sold and that they were asking for volunteers to give up their seats for a $350 travel voucher. I broke the news to the guys that we were going to be at the airport until 10:15 PM. Lucky for me the guys are very good at self entertaining. They shopped, Rex exchanged a little of his cash for Russian money and got a massage, rode the cool tram through the amazing city that is the Dallas airport, and watched new movies that we bought the night before 'just in case'. The thing about being stuck at the Dallas airport is that it really isn't that bad. There are plenty of decent restaurants to choose from, free easy transportation between terminals if you get bored, and Samsung has created quiet work rooms with large leather chairs that were the perfect size for Fox to curl up and sleep for 3 hours. Rex had a blast riding the tram and exploring, and I just read, watched a movie, and took a cat nap. We were all in this together and accepted our situation, there are worse ways to spend a day.

10 o'clock arrived and we were beyond excited to get on the plane. Rex was anxious because he did not like flying on a MD-80, remember he is an airplane buff. He wanted to know how many miles were on the aircraft before he would fly. Rex got up to the front of the line so he could get into the cockpit and brief the pilots, he has always done this since he could talk, and the pilots are always happy to engage him. As Fox and I were approaching the ticket agent, she insisted that we give her our bags so that they could put them under the plane. The flight was over booked and the overhead bins were full. Not wanting to be a problem traveler, we relinquished our bags to this woman who seemed overly concerned about bags. The woman behind me did not want to give up her bag, so I offered to grab Rex's bag so she could keep her bag. I am cool like that. We got up to the plane and sure enough Rex was chatting with the pilots. The flight attendant was entertained by him and I told her I was going to give this overly concerned bag lady his bag. No problem. Fox and I settled into our seats and Rex walked up the isle. BIG PROBLEM.

*I did ask Rex if I could write about the rest of this story. He said yes and has approved what I am about to tell you.

As Rex was walking I noticed he had a very upset look on his face. When he got to me he started to cry. I had given the bag lady his bag and his blanket was in his bag. My world stopped. Fox's world stopped. Holy cow what have I done? Rex has a blanket that relaxes him. He has slept with a special blanket since he was a few months old. We have replaced his blanket several times because it had become thread bare, and on our last trip to visit Grandma he realized he forgot it, called her from the road, and when we arrived at her house she had made him a new blanket. This blanket is key to keeping Rex happy and calm. I ran up to the front of the plane and asked the flight attendant if his bag was taken yet. Indeed it had. SHIT. I explained to her the importance of this blanket, that my son has an autism spectrum issue (usually called a disorder, but I don't like that word because there is nothing WRONG with any autistic person) and he needs the blanket. This amazing flight attendant went into problem solving mode. Another attendant came forward and asked what she could do now to keep him calm because he was panicking in the back of the plane. The two flight attendants went to the pilot and explained the situation. While they were talking to the pilot another flight attendant informed me that we may have to leave the plane and take a later flight if we could not get Rex to calm down. She was not on my team. I told her as long as we got his blanket back we would be happy to get off the plane. My superhero team came back and told me that the pilot would not leave until Rex had his blanket. The crazed bag lady then yelled at me that she would not go get his blanket, and that if it was so important then I should have remembered to get it out of the suitcase. Really? The pilot then looked at her and said, we won't leave until he has his blanket, and went down into the suitcase abyss and found a young man's special blanket so he could fly in peace. When the pilot came back with the blanket, my team of flight attendants high fived each other. A small group of hero's who did something so important for my family made our long day not so terrible after all.

It wouldn't be a vacation without kaos

Air travel from Redding is never easy. Our local airport does not serve most destinations, so if air travel is on your agenda, the choice is Sacramento or the bay area for airports. For a 6am flight from Sacramento to Dallas the guys and I left the house at 2 am. I drove through the 24 hour coffee house and mainlined some caffeine so I would not drift off the road. It is surprising how much life is happening at 2 am on highway 5. Construction delays were not part of my preparation plan. The tickets said boarding at 5:30 am. We arrived at the airport at 5:22am. Cutting it a little close. I still had to park the car and hop on the tram to take us to the gate. Luck was on our side and we caught a tram within a minute. Awesome 5:23! I think we can make it! I told the guys that we were in hustle mode, you see, if we missed this flight then my mothers great planning of my family and my sister all meeting at DFW at the same time would be shot. We were dropped off at the American terminal at 5:30. We can do this! Got through a curiously short security line to have the TSA agent tell me that we were at the wrong terminal. Apparently some, not all, American flights fly out of the American terminal. My flight flew out of the Delta terminal. Who knew! Back to serious hustle mode we high tailed it to the other terminal to be greeted by a security line that looked about a mile long. I wondered if for only this morning the pilots would wait for everyone to get to their gates before leaving, sort of like a long line at the movie theatre. Nope. The lady in front of us laughed at me when I kept reassuring the guys that we were going to make it. We zipped through security and lucky us the gate was the one closest to security. We did it! Only one problem. No food for the guys. In our haste we did not have time to grab something before getting on the plane, and we left the house without provisions. It was 2 am after all! So two hungry guys and a three hour flight what could go wrong? Well, nothing on this flight. But we still have the RETURN flight!

Oklahoma Love

The guys and I just returned from a 5 star vacation in Oklahoma. Oklahoma is not on the list of top ten vacation destinations for most people, but for my family, Oklahoma is always a welcome destination. Who wouldn't want to spend a week on a picturesque lake greeted upon arrival with an ice cold pina coloda? Lounging on the lake drinking beverages that are simply brought to you because it was time. Listening to cousins, aunts, and uncles laughing sharing stories and teasing each other just because we can. Eating local delights like armadillo eggs and cat fish all equal vacation heaven, but there was one part of our hearts that was missing that all the fun and kinship could not fill.

My beautiful sister is currently kicking cancers ass. Travel and cancer treatment do not mix, so she had to sit this trip out. We missed her beautifully bossy bald head and toasted to her continued pummelling of cancer. So while we listened to the locusts cicadas in the evening, while smelling the warm air that has more than a hint of oil in it, we were loving you, my beautiful cancer whooping bossy sister. Oklahoma style.